The Honeymoon Phase... - M.D. Saints Writes

Here in Florida we are a few weeks into the new school year, and it’s generally around this time that the Honeymoon period comes to an end and behavioral issues begin to arise. Sigh.

Early and organized parental contact for any behaviors, both wonderful and ill, is crucial. However, even when I’m completely on top of this rapidly rotating ball beneath me, it can still be a rough ride.

Several years back I had an extremely quiet and meek girl in my freshman Intensive Reading class. I found her to be an absolute delight. She was optimistic, engaged and so sweet. I called her parents after school to tell them how much I appreciated having her. The reply: “Oh, good. That’s not what we get from her at home.” Okay. Well have a good day then. Yikes. Another phone call home was memorable, not for the issue, I can’t recall what that was, but because the parent was clearly isolated and need adult conversation no matter what the topic. This was still early on in my teaching adventure, and I hadn’t yet figured out a good way to keep things short. I had to end the call because the bell had rung and I was sorry but I had children at the door and cannot talk any further about taking care of relatives with Alzheimer’s. Yes, whatever the initial issue was was lost, and I had a 45 minute earful of family issues. I have never called a parent at the start of a planning period ever again. Ever.

Now, with years of experience later, I try to reach out to parents before I need to contact them for anything negative, and I try to use email. This way, even if it’s a generic email template, at least my name in their inbox is associated with something positive. And it’s all kept short, sweet and time efficient.

We, as teachers, cannot control how our correspondence is met, but we can be thorough and well documented no matter the reason for reaching out.

Here are some tips and refreshers to help create a good foundation with parents.

Reach out early. Even if you haven’t yet reached out for something positive or an introduction, don’t hesitate when an undesirable behavior starts to rear its head. A child takes this hesitation as a chink in the armor. Also, it looks bad to reach out if a behavior has begun to escalate. I have been guilty of both. It’s embarrassing, but it’s often a part of that first year learning curve and it was certainly a part of mine.
If you have the above learning curve like I did, apologize for not reaching out sooner. It’s important to openly acknowledge fault. I have had prideful colleagues over the years who refuse to concede, but when you’re upfront about it, then it helps in two important ways. First, it lets the parent know you were indeed aware there was a need to get them involved and for whatever XYZ reason just had not. Second, there is nothing unforeseen to throw at you later because you’ve already confessed to the error.
Copy others on the email. Admin, guidance, another teacher who is noticing the same potentially troubling behavior. Copying admin gives them a forewarning to be on the lookout. Copying guidance is an intervention measure so any issues can be talked about that could be contributing to XYZ behavior, and copying another teacher just lets the parent know whatever the issue is, it is not isolated.
Use the sandwich method. If it’s a negative behavior, start with a positive, work in the negative and end with a positive. For example: Good morning, I am reaching out about Sally Student. Sally has been doing great in class and was actively working on tasks and participating in discussions, however I am beginning to have concerns with her progress because she has kept her head down on her desk the past few days. I have asked her about being tired and prompted her about going to the clinic, but she has only shrugged and put her head back down. The material we are covering is building the foundational analytical skills she will need for the remainder of the year, and I want to make sure she is fully equipped to do her best. Thank you for your help and support in Sally’s education. This can be a little tricky when there are issues in abundance, but it’s very doable. Just highlight that you know the child is capable. Most are very capable. Any actual issues I’ve had over the years have been of the will not variety, not the cannot.
Document document document. And then document some more. I prefer to email parents so there is a running record, and generally, when I must call, I like to have a witness. I have never had any weird accusations come via phone but I’m sure to be prepared with another set of ears should the need arise. I have had parents make various claims in emails, which is fine. I have all communication documented to show I did not offer an exam retake or a resubmission of a plagiarized essay.
Don’t take anything personal. Some parents take things very personally and I, to an extent, understand this. It is personal because their child is involved and some can get pretty feisty. I have known teachers who get really angry. I known teachers who cry. Neither are worth it. Just save the communication and keep your sanity. If it’s too feisty go through admin. A few years back I had a student whose mother was, well, very feisty. Not with me, but with the History teacher. So much so that he refused to email or talk to the mother at all and would go through me for everything. The mother, aware of his resistance, would email me to ask him XYZ about History. It was a bit of a hassle for me, not really a big deal, but it ultimately looked unprofessional for them both. I definitely understood why he refused to talk to the mother, but the process of it was just not optimal.

I will be adding a parental/guardian contact log to my Free Little Resource Library this week. I was hoping to get it done by now, but it is coming soon, so please check back for that!

In the mean time, if you’re of the district ilk that starts school a little later and you need some rapport building activities or a fun short story lesson, check out the following resources at the hyperlinked images below!

Thank you and Happy Teaching!

M.D. Saints
Reading the Rapids
Liberty Dog Writing Co.